Brainstorming about guys and girls

In 2011, I was talking to my neighbor and got into the age old discussion about guy/girl expectations. I figured I'd better publish it before I started changing things so that I could see what I thought about this topic in 2011 later on in life and see how I've grown.


As I was watching Mad Men, I thought that it would be interesting to compile some thoughts.

Here are some things I currently think are important as of 2011.
(Don't hold me to them later on in life. I am just interested in documenting them to see how they compare to what I think is important later on in life.)

He or she almost always brings light to your eyes and makes you look forward to seeing them again. She has to be happy and make you happy, referred to as the "lavender haze" in Mad Men.

Not violent. Doesn't raise his or her voice when talking unless there is an emergency. Loud and angry voices increase stress and i don't need that.

Is able to talk things out and is able to accept you, your perceived flaws, differences in opinion, and actions. They like you for the person you are.

Does not make rash decisions or actions. Not quick to burn bridges. Won't irrationaly break something. --comes from watching Mad Men. I cannot believe that one guy dropped a turkey and platter his wife had made out the apartment window 20 flights up. The same guy told his father in law to close the account he'd given him because the father in law threatened to put the account up for a 90 day review hoping he would turn his personal life with his daughter, the guy's wife, around. That is rash, dude.

Not manipulative in a bad way. Doesn't hold grudges. Won't kick you out of the house. - Mrs. Draper

Seductive. I like a girl that takes initiative. Some people are hard to read, so obvious indicators are quite appreciated.

I don't think all girls want a sexy, seductive guy. The very vocally pious girls I know typically say "All's fair after the wedding", but I just don't see a lot of them as being very intimate very often. The ones I've talked to have told me that they don't plan on being on birth control even after they get married, though they may have the guy use some. This is in line with the statistic I read that people who are taught abstinence-only are less likely to use any sort of birth control when they do get it on. Many of them also said that they would want to get intimate maybe once a week once married. I really hope to have a lot more passion than that in my marriage. Sheesh. I know not all of them are like that, but I'm  just going off what I've been told firsthand by a few people I've talked to.

I keep pondering this one.
Part of me has grown up thinking I need to end up with someone at least as accomplished as me, more so perhaps, so I at least have the perception that I'm dating up and not down. Imagine going through life thinking you could have done better but are stuck with an impulse or guilted decision. What would I bring to a girl that was more accomplished than me though? I read that guys who date up tend to have longer lasting relationships because they work harder to keep the girl as opposed to trying to control her because he thinks of himself as superior and making her unhappy. However, as I've become exposed to more people, there is a chance that I could be enchanted by someone totally different, perhaps without a formal education but who was still well spoken and seductive. I don't know.--(I'm reviewing this a year later and don't know why I said "without much formal education". Maybe I'd met someone who hadn't finished college that made my knees weak when I met her. I'm not sure.) I'd also keep in good shape (unlike people that would let themselves go), only take jobs that would let me take vacations with my family

Spearheads planning things for the other person with their input. It makes the other person feel worthwhile.

Doesn't talk to make people feel guilty too often and rub it in.-Mrs. Draper is just bitter and mean after thinking her husband cheated, regardless of what he does and says and what is good for the kids.

Doesn't let anger for one person flow over to others, especially kids or me (though I can take it, but it can wear me down after while).

Takes responsibility. It's attractive.
This doesn't mean take responsibility for things you had no control over. That's just excessive. You can offer ways to help though.

Doesn't really get exasperated or overwhelmed.
--One person I met got angry and frustrated when her phone's Google Maps wasn't working and we were going to meet at a place to go running. When I asked her to go to the nearest intersection to tell me the two cros streets so I could bike over and meet her there, she texted back that it was too much and too confusing and that she was just going to go home and that we should reschedule. I ended up biking 10 miles instead of 4 that day because of poor communication on her end, but I ended up running with her. She was very surprised to see me, I told her, "I guess most of your friends aren't this persistant." We had a good run. I do try to go the extra mile (or 6) for people I hope care about me, even potentially.

Is able to rationally deal with rough events.
When I'm between job contracts, I don't cry, I start making side cash by buying more road bikes for $100-380 and resell them for about $725 and buy MacBook Pros for $610-1,200 and sell them for $1,200 to $1,550, in addition to doing interviews, which covers my monthly expenses. I consider that fiscally responsible, at least in the short term. I would like a passive income coming in though too.

Doesn't use huge generalizations in a serious way.
It makes you look like you haven't been exposed to enough of the real world to know that people are individuals. Identifying smaller sub-groups can be more acceptable.
When a girl says, "All guys want is to..." instead of "Most guys I've come across so far have wanted to..." it throws up an orange flag. Too many times can get to be a red flag.

--
There are some non-obvious dos and don'ts when talking to someone.

Some people don't like hearing about what you did with your ex.
Some people think it is mood killer and you don't want the other person comparing his or herself to other people. The pro of doing it is hearing about things the person has done, or is willing to do. Phrasing is key. Instead of saying, "We went snowboarding." You can say, "I think snowboarding would be/is pretty great." even if you have already done it.
--
Feb 1, 2013

My cousin, a girl, asked if it would be ok for her to snuggle up to various guys on various nights, maybe make out with a few of them as long as she isn't in an exclusive relationship. Is it any different for a guy? Is that kind of what happens on dates? Is what you do with anyone else fine, as long as you don't pick up an STI? -Something an acquaintance said about his feelings when dating girls he didn't think he would marry.


What is someone supposed to do if they ave a strong desire for affection, but haven't met the person they think they will marry yet?

How do you know when you meet the right person?

When do you know you have faults you need to change?

Feb. 2
A while a

So I've been using Chase Quick Pay and wanted to know a bit more about it, especially after getting a credit card which gives you cash back every time you use it. I was originally looking to see if I could use my credit card to send money to my friend, instead of my bank account, so I get cash back, and him not be charged a fee when I use my credit card instead of my bank account, but got sidetracked by this article.

http://www.gobankingrates.com/banking/checking-accounts/does-chase-quickpay-really-live-up-to-promise/

As long as you have a Chase account, it isn't a bad way to recieve money (since at least one person has to be a Chase customer in each transaction which I read and you can't expect all your friends to have a Chase account), as long as you can wait up to a week to have it show up in your account. So if you are living paycheck to paycheck, you may want to consider a cash-is-king mentality. If not, it is a pretty easy way to transfer money and have a record of it. Not sure if it is worth getting a Chase account yet.

Paypal lets you transfer from bank account to bank account for free, fees apply if you pay with a credit card (Hence, my original question if Chase charged someone more if I paid with a cash back credit card), and then for sellers, $.30 + 2.9% of the transaction (which if you sell something at a 10% profit margin, really cuts into your profit.

https://cms.paypal.com/us/cgi-bin/?cmd=_render-content&content_ID=marketing_us/fees

I may still be a bigger fan of PayPal for now since you don't need to open a Chase account and if you have over 100 feedback, all 100% positive on eBay like me, you probably already have a PayPal account. (Admittedly, i sell more stuff on Craigslist so I don't have to pay the fee and because I can get more money out of the people on Craigslist since Craigslist doesn't have the completed listings to show what things have actually sold for.