Dating/Relationship tips from WebMD

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/slideshow-18-secrets-guys-wish-you-knew
-look at secret 3 of 18

"Men Take Commitment Seriously

Men have a reputation for being afraid to commit. But the evidence suggests men take marriage seriously. They may take longer to commit because they want to make sure they are onboard for good. In a survey of currently married men, 90% say they would marry the same woman again."

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I came across this interesting statement that girls should take under consideration when a guy they like and that likes them back but is not ready to say, "You are perfect for me. Will you like to be in an exclusive relationship with me?" (Read "I want to stop meeting other girls.") He kind of has to keep meeting and talking with other people so he's confident you're the right fit so he feels sure about committing. Asking a guy to commit before he is ready is like telling him he has 30 seconds to decide if he wants to buy a $400,000 home with the same person living in it every single day for 70 years without taking a look at the inside of other houses. Then the girl says, "You can look but not touch others" which is interpreted as, "You can look at the outside of other houses on the market, but if you go in another house to look around, this house will be taken off the market for good, and all my friends with houses they may want to sell you will not ever offer them to you. You'll get a bad reputation, and become less datable in my social circles and my friends' social circles. You need to officially decline my offer before looking at other options. This is scary. $400,000 is a lot of money and 70 years is kind of long.

However, there are guys in the "player" phase of their life too. That may be a bit different.

My two cents is to ask yourself if you enjoy the person for who they are right now, including their current priorities (which are likely to be different than yours). If you like them for who they are at this moment in their life, just enjoy them for who they are. The alternatives are to leave them alone forever, or just keep in general contact until both of your priorities change to match (but don't put your life on hold. They may get snatched up by someone else, never change, or change in a way that doesn't make you comfortable as well.)



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I do wonder about the traditional expectation for men to ask women out vs women asking men. Hanging out


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Another few tips from the page were...

"Men Say "I Love You" With Actions

Some men prefer to express their feelings through actions rather than words. Your guy may say "I love you" by fixing things around the house, tidying up the yard, or even taking out the trash -- anything that makes your world a better place."

--So like making you a milkshake, warming up a pizza for you, giving you chilled filtered water, folding his clothes, etc. are all ways of saying, "I care."

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Shared Activities Form Bonds

"Men strengthen their relationships primarily through shared activities more than by sharing thoughts or feelings. For many men, activities like sports and sex make them feel closer to their partner."

---Well, I have heard that plenty of marriages are strained by a lack of intimacy. In only one case of a couple living together, it was the girl that didn't feel they were doing it often enough. She then left him thinking he must be cheating on her. Generally speaking, it seems that guys are the ones that tend to be more irritable if there is not much intimacy.
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Men Learn From Their Fathers

If you want to know how a man will act in a relationship, get to know his dad. Some say men learn about their relationship role by watching and listening to their fathers. How they are with each other and how the father relates to the mother can predict how a man will relate to his wife.

---While not always the case, I can see that I picked up some things from my dad, like feeling a sense of accomplishment when finances are going well, even if no one else knows. Feeling good about security knowing life insurance is in place and that there are assets that can be sold off in case something happens to him/me. Also, if someone says "You're a terrible dad." or something, it can be taken personally because a lot of effort is put into attempts to be considered a good one. He buys tickets to shows because he thinks that's a treat and a way to show he cares though some people appreciate it less than him. He bought a Lincoln Town Car because he has the perception that it is a luxury vehicle and cares about his family. That makes sense to him because if he ever decides to drive to New York, he is thinking he wants to transport his larger parents in a comfortable vehicle and he thinks that is his duty as a son. I say I also have the duty to the environment and my finances to not buy a car that gets 18 miles to the gallon, but hey, we both have things we value. I am considering a Nissan Altima with plush leather seats because I want people to feel comfortable when riding with me, and I guess I too am willing to sacrifice some fuel efficiency for additional space and comfort. So maybe we are more alike than I thought. SO in summary, I think this is how my dad thinks he takes care of the family.

-A lot of life insurance
-Tops off the gas for all the cars when he is home on the weekend
-Gets oil changes regularly from Jiffy Lube (they are friendly, but have probably cost us some money in free advise)
-He'd buy groceries from Sam's Club to supplement the food from Aldi's my mom buys. She won't buy soda, and kids crave soda, so he taught us how to price shop for soda, food, and other things because buying the best value is an important life skill to him.
-He also used to take the kids out to eat at Sam's after church and Sunday school believing it was quality time. Instead of buying a pre-made pizza for like $12 at Sam's, he'd tell us to pick out a $9 frozen one from Sam's (exact same pizza) and ask the pizza place in Sam's to warm it up for us which they would do for free. That way we save $3 a week.
-A large comfortable house with room for his parents to stay if they visit (Pull out sofa, spare cots) I mean he bought a 5 bedroom 2.5 bath when there were only 3 people in the family. He also wanted a two door garage so both cars could be protected from storms. He believes in protecting his assets.
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"Men Let Go Faster Than Women

Women tend to remember negative experiences longer and may have lingering feelings of stress, anxiety, or sadness. In contrast, men are less likely to dwell on unpleasant events and tend to move on more quickly. So while you may still want to talk about last night's argument, your guy may have already forgotten about it."

-True that brother. Ever been in a situation where a girl lists off things you've done or not done in the past year that she didn't appreciate, and you're stuck with only vague generalizations of things she could work on (just in case she asks what she could do to improve herself after listing the things you need to be aware of) because you can't even remember what you had for dinner? Seriously, just smile and enjoy what you have. If a girl becomes a nag or constantly brings up things from the past, she may not be worth keeping around. Be glad you didn't marry her, right? Not many guys could handle that every day.

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"Men Don't Pick Up on Subtle Cues

Men are more likely to miss subtle signals like tone of voice or facial expressions. And they are especially likely to miss sadness on a woman's face. If you want to make sure your guy gets the message, be direct."

--Thank you! Besides, if we do pick up that you're sad, we may likely assume it's our fault and what guy wants to hear what he did now... again? I guess it depends on the relationship. Also, if someone is down, do you let them stay down by asking them to talk about it? Or do you try to change the subject so they can be happy like you? It's probably situational. But girls should not expect guys to pick up on stuff. You'll probably be disappointed. I almost want to say have low expectations, but then again, I don't want the girl of my dreams to settle for a guy that can't care about her the way I am capable of, but choose not to be around people I am unsure of. I'm willing to do so much for the right person. But I don't want to do so much for the wrong person because she'd never want to leave me when i found the right person, or it would break her heart, and I don't want to break someone's heart. I may be taking this whole dating thing too seriously.

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"Men Respond to Appreciation

Showing appreciation for your guy can make a big difference in the way he acts. Take parenting. Studies show that fathers are more involved in care-giving when their wives value their involvement and see them as competent."

--I get all smiley, proud, and stuff when I feel appreciated. It's a bit silly, but it feels good and then I'm more likely to do stuff like that again.

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"Men Think About Sex ... A Lot

OK, so maybe this one is no secret. The majority of men under age 60 think about sex at least once a day, compared with only a quarter of women. And that's not all. Men fantasize about sex nearly twice as often as women do, and their fantasies are much more varied. They also think more about casual sex than women do. But thinking is not the same as doing."

--That's down from once every 60 seconds, another statistical rumor I heard.

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"He Likes It When You Initiate Sex

Most guys feel as though they're the ones who always initiate sex. But they also like to be pursued and wish their partner would take the lead more often. Don't be shy about letting your guy know you're in the mood. Initiating sex some of the time may lead to a higher level of satisfaction for both of you."

--Imagine if someone you liked pushed you up against the wall, put her arms around your head and back and said..."For the next 30 minutes, you're mine" or something like that... Now stop imagining. That's about as close as you'll probably get to that happening if you're a guy. Girls don't seem to initiate physical things. If a guy initiates it all the time, he gets worried that he's doing it too often, not enough, being too forceful, not being forceful enough, etc.

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Men Like Pleasing Their Partner

"Your pleasure is important to your man. But he won't know what you want unless you tell him. Too many women feel uncomfortable talking about what they like and don't like. If you can tell him clearly in a way that doesn't bruise his ego, he'll listen. Because he knows he'll feel good if you feel good."

--How would you feel if your partner made you feel amazing, but she herself was like, "Eh". It's just kind of wrong. It makes you feel self-centered and worried she'll think you're self-centered or "just a boy being a boy". Ahhh! Of course faking is bad too (if we know) because we still feel like we aren't capable of something, especially when we are willing to try. Ok, fine. Sometimes, perhaps most of the time, it can be all about us and that's perfectly great. But every single time? It may make us wonder if it is more of a chore for you than something you enjoy.

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"Men May Stray When Needs Aren't Met

If a man doesn't feel loved and appreciated in his relationship, he may turn elsewhere for satisfaction. For one man, that may mean burying himself in work. Another may develop a fixation on sports or video games. And some men cheat. To avoid this, partners need to work together to meet each other's needs."

--I've heard this before. Of course, you have to know what a guy's needs are and accept them, or logically convince him otherwise, but don't be optimistic.

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"He's Vested in You

Most men realize there's a lot to lose if a long-term relationship goes sour – not just each other's company, but the entire life you've built together. If you're willing to work to strengthen your marriage, chances are your man will be, too."

--Is being accusational really helping to work things out? If not, why do girls have a tendency to do that? Fortunately I haven't had to really deal with this much in the past few years.