Relationship Bible study

Women tend to be energized by: closeness, openness, understanding, peacemaking, loyalty, esteem. C.o.u.p.l.e

Men tend to be energized by: conquest, hierarchy, authority, insight, relationship, sexuality. C.h.a.I.r.s

Story: you often hear stories of women giving up positions and work in order to take care of a loved one. There was a man that stepped down from college president because his wife, that had developed alztimers, would walk without shoes to visit him at work.

People spend money for divorce lawyers. Why don't they spend at least as much on working on the relationship?

Crazy cycle: why we react to each other. When you see a man deflated, he is probably not feeling respected.

If a man is given a diet book, he may laugh. If a women is given a diet book, it can deflated her spirit. She is likely vulnerable in that area.

Say, "That felt unloving. Was I disrespectful?" Don't say, "You are unloving."

Expressive-responsive

How do you motivate someone? You fill their deepest need regardless of their performance.

"With many words, __ is unavoidable." Only speak to say what is relevant. Don't aimlessly speak. Give the other person a chance to talk.

Respect men. Love women. Men can love once they feel respected. Women don't respond sexually to a man that is constantly angry.

After an argument, look in the mirror and reinact your facial expressions and actions. Ask yourself if you are showing love/respect. If not, change! Don't make excuses.

Don't attack people, talk about the actions. Avoidance can be bad too.

What is there for women to respect: the desire to work and be useful, desire to protect and survive, desire to lead, desire for sexual intimacy

? The movie says: At home, female fortune company execs tend to want to be female at home. They yield to the man and want to be held, talk about what is on their mind. They don't manage the man at home. He may not be good at managing, but let him feel he has power at home if he expresses the need.

How we are raised impacts our expectations and desires. Perhaps you have a mix and your spouse
has a mix of these needs. Find out what matters to the other person.

If you have trouble lashing out or reacting harshly, remember the 3 second rule, like food on the floor.

Resolve issues in a quiet time and make a resolution.

Commonly, women will want something good for the family like an expensive appliance or name brand food. The man will feel the responsibility of having secure financial decision making. So he will feel disrespectful when she overspends (from his perspective).
Make a rule or something. Talk together for purchases over $200. Just letting him know you need an appliance and ask if the one you are looking at would be ok to buy may be enough. It is not going around his back. He may be upset if you get one with the wrong options or settings for something that matters to him. High efficiency washes save money over time. Both people need to show respect. The generic mac and cheese may not taste as good to the wife and kids but taste the same to the man that wants to save money.

Are you proud to be with me? Do I look good for you? Let her know!